yeah for some reason your penis didn't fit in my mouth the other day
Saying she let herself go implies she was actually holding on
We had to be out of the dorms at 730. Meeting started at 8. I woke up at 948. Drunk and covered in glitter.
I didn't think her British accent was real until I saw how fucked up her teeth were.
What do you mean when you say no pre-party sex?
Ya,, he does have virgin eyes. Thats a real thing you know...
its cute though when you google his name more than one mug shot comes up from different states
I have come to the conclusion that my perfect boyfriend is a cardboard cutout of Link with a dildo attatched. Also, Merry Christmas.
Dang. We need a girls trip ASAP. Preferably in a country who has even lower standards than us on a Friday night.
I woke up wearing a headband made of condoms. It was supposed to be a crown for the "prettiest fag hag" award I won last night. There is lube in my hair. I'm going back to sleep
He says we're "annoying" but that's an odd word to describe a couple of heroic liquor saiyans
I'm gonna take a nap by the fireplace and pretend like I know what day it is.
Don't try to sleep with work colleagues because he won't be able to get it up and you won't be able to look him in the eye ever again
I got up and left his place at 3am because I remembered I had a burrito in my car.
Only you would make Mario Party a contact sport.
And you owe me a new pair of switch controllers.
Randomize
