At least we lost an hour tonight! Less time to make a fool of myself
Some man just said he would jack off to my hair color.
Note to self: never go down on a girl first thing in the morning…its like opening a grilled cheese sandwich
i keep myself tagged when other girls look bad/ugly so i look better
can we change the rule from "no one is ugly after 2 am" to 1130 so i can justify last night
Hahaha I asked him about her bjs and he said "I would not wish that on anyone"
also bought condoms to give away to people who look like they're about to make a bad halloween decision. I'm like a fairy.
At one point they were sandwiching me, both petting my stomach, mad dogging each other. Then they somehow telepathically decided to both try to pull my pants down. Such nice guys.
4 girls from the bar, me, strip basketball. here. NOW
I've friend zoned this boy hard. I made him change my nipple rings before he went home.
I'm offering you baseball tickets and my vagina, isn't that enough?
I know. I feel like I should be doing mature responsible adult things though. Like getting loans, working 60 hours every week and not eating burritos in bed, ya know?
My friends son got stung by a jellyfish over the weekend and we seriously stood there debating on whether or not we should pee on this toddler.
They are gonna stay together and get married and have 2 children before he wakes up and realizes that there is more to life than anal
No. I'm home alone and 100% dickless. I hate my life.
Randomize
