We have a vodka soaked ShamWow with your name on it.
Apparently I ran up to the group of cookie-cutter blonde chicks and screamed "Delta Gamma Nuuuuuuu!" really excitedly and tried to hug them and share fake sorority stories with them.
i refuse to live in a world where loud threesomes in your own apartment are referred to as "rude"
did you yell "are you not entertained?"
I am officially out of liquor stores within a 15 mile radius that don't recognize me as soon as I walk in the door.
Using his name makes it all too personal. I refuse to get attached to this one. This is all about ass. He doesn't get a name.
I tried to discuss modern art with a cab driver after explaining that I only had one shoe on b/c a pitbull ate the other one. Wtf. Call me when you can.
We fucked in his mom's shower and all I could think about was being too old to be sneak banging while someone's mom was out of town and how much mildew was on the shower curtain. Fuck you, Adulthood.
He picked me up in the very car he devirginized me in, his moms toyota.
It's def pee. WHY DO I PEE ON THINGS WHEN I DRINK TEQUILA
The girl next to me looks like the young version of sara (bonnie hunt) in jumanji. I wanna be like PLAY THE GAME SARA!!!!"
I've peed outside too many times in just this past week
people keep driving by and judging me for drinking natty outside in my underwear at 9 am. rude.
Just got a handjob in my psych lecture. You were right, going to class is paying off.
I kept screaming at his rabbit: "IT'S OKAY, YOU CAN HAVE SOME TRIX. FUCK THOSE SELFISH BITCHES."
It's like every time I'm baked I discover my fingers all over again.
Randomize
