Oh shit. I just had to lure him into the bedroom so I could take the list of his negative qualities off the fridge so he wouldn't see.
It's going to be nice going to the airport without drugs taped to my balls like last year.
Have $25 to my name but it's $2 pitchers. I have no choice but to go.
we found a loaf of bread in my bathroom i believe its yours. sorry i took a shower before we noticed so it might be soggy
apparently the bartender would rather give me free shots than tell me that my whole nipple piercing was hanging out
normally i would apologize for my drunk texting but even sober me agrees.
I scrubbed the bathroom, smoked a bowl, and gave myself 3 orgasms. If the world ends today, I feel accomplished.
Pre-drinking/conditioning my liver for this impending hurricane party associated with cat. 2 hurricane Irene. Be ready to roll in a weather channel minute.
I have invented a new sport: freshman-watching. I'm sitting on our porch literally dying watching the freshmen run around trying to find parties
We need to tone down the drinking before our 7pm class. I don't remember receiving any of these handouts.
You know when you blow me it's the softest, most amazing feeling ever. Like putting my dick in a silk bag filled with puppy ears.
after further investigation i found out he's a little bit married..
Oh god. I finally realized why the coked out Stevie wonder was explaining the concept of movember to the McDonalds clerk. Drunk me didn't process that another month comes after Halloween... It's apparently November.
Okay, but that still doesn't explain all the glitter in my puke.
I am no longer embarassed by my vagina
It concerns why you would be in the first place, but I'd rather not know
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