Baby momma caught me doing baby daddy in reverse cowgirl. She kicked me out and i have no clothes, come get me.
I hope you walked the shit out of that shame.
like i told you yesterday: virgins, blood, my name. do it.
You tried to wear your Jesus costume into Family Christian stores and say it was a book signing.
Just lit a joint with steel wool and a 9 volt battery... thank you 3rd grade science class
you will always have a special place in my vag
They both told everyone they fell in a mud puddle
Oh they definetly fell in the mud, repeatedly, on top of each other
I just saw someone EAT a flashcard out of frustration. Finals suck.
I think it's our patriotic duty to get high and watch the state of the union tonight
I also tried to drunkenly adopt a kitten last night. It didn't pan out.
I will take a blow job from a dude that kinda looks like a girl at this point
You won't wear your Santa suit, I can't get trashed, and you won't use handcuffs! This is the worst Christmas EVER.
I feel violated by Miley Cirrus's performance in the VMA's.
Your babysitter texted, wants me to pay with weed. I don't know where to get any & don't want to. Will she take cigarettes instead? Or um, cash? Like a person?
All I've done today is nap, eat candy and get off from my vibrator. I didn't know it was possible to be THIS single.
"Offered to eat Froot Loops out of my belly button" drunk. Thats how drunk.
Randomize
