Really stoned
just sent my roommate on a cheese run
I was hidding Easter eggs in CHURCH this morning when one of the older men came up to me and said "I always knew you'd be a bunny just not the Easter kind" ... Our congregation obviously has high hopes for their pastor's daighter
how do you say "fuck me and leave bruises" in italian?
It's a big world.....someone has to fuck it.
I don't know what you're talking about but its dick galore in the tub. We will be getting poked tonight. Bring forks.
How are ur friends?
One is peeing in the grass and the other is asleep under the stairs. Fuck them I'm sleeping in the car
At least I'm doing lines with a notecard. That counts for something right
I will pre answer that I did not see it the fun way. He was peeing outside.
It's been this way for a few days. I had chick fil a on Friday so this could be an attack from the Gay Gods as punishment.
My arrest report says I was found in midtown "performing lewd and lascivious acts on top of art meant for public display and enjoyment".
do you ever wish you could like, jerk your heart off and be, like, emotionally satisfied? it'd feel like cuddling.
The closest I'll come to committing is leaving sex toys at their house
I just poured two shots of fireball into my Rapunzel mug I love finals.
You got up in the middle of a sentence, puked, came out and poured another glass of wine and continued your story.
one of my students asked me today if i was having a baby. fuckin 4 year olds and their lack of filter. time to get back to the gym i guess
Randomize
