a smallpox vaccine scar is like a lower back tattoo.
I'm sooo using this pickup line: "Baby, its not the 2.5 inches... Its the 200 pounds behind it"
Just taught my suite how to queef. I feel like i'm back in 9th grade!
imagine if we didn have a dick. we would be so much more productive
No.. It's totally over.. He deleted the poke I sent him.. That makes it official.
TAing a class of 300 froshies and being so hungover I forgot a bra is my way of making dreams come true.
Woke up naked next to Alex and he was braiding my hair and then commented on how healthy my hair was. I don't even know anymore..
"You can go raw dog up in me". Exact words. I can't decide whether to run, or fuck. Help.
To confirm, you are a grown ass man and you just asked me what her vag looked like.
I did not appreciate your texts about spanking at 3'o'clock this morning.
My name will be tattooed on his ass by sunday.
I found a hair colour I want in a porn.
Taking out my recycling and 90% of it is alcohol and cat food. I am judging myself.
I will consider today a failure if my nipple isn't bitten at least 😂
Oh is THAT how we're gonna play mini golf
Some guy at the bar last night bought us Arrowhead water and I was so drunk, it tasted good
Randomize
