did you hook up austin?
No! he threw up in my bathroom, made me wake up and order him jimmy johns, beat my roommate with a macaroni and cheese box, and then passed out with her in her bed
I realized that I've made out with a different boy almost every time we've gone to mcgoreys....I don't need a boyfriend...I have that bar
1. I feel like Jello 2. The girl i hooked up with last night isn't here and a different girl is lying next to me. 3. I have no clothes on 4. Can guys go on walks of shame?
I'd say this is worse than that time when I realized that my favorite bath toy growing up was my Mom's douche bottle.
And I'm PMSing. So if I'm not crying, I'm masturbating.
its not thanksgiving till you and grandpa shotgun beers out in the shed, and lose
I'm texting you from across the beer pong table to tell you that the drunk chick you brought over needs to disappear. like now.
i knew you were okay when you wanted to eat in the ambulance
I feel like everything I touch in this bar I'm gonna get hepatitis. my kinda joint
Chill out, I'm getting ready as fast as I can. I didn't even masturbate in the shower.
Sorry, I thought I responded to your question. My name is Jon, we kinda had a sleepover at your friends place in OC. Don't know if you remember me, you were "dick chugging" like there was no tomorrow last night.
If my bootycall doesn't bring over a Baconnator, I swear to fucking God, I'm not letting him in. The hunger is that real. Forget his Persian dick.
Rob and I are cross faded and the only one taking care of us is a drunk person who's making us dance.
My vagina feels like a chupacabra ripped me apart using its mythological set of needle pointed teeth
Step one: We finally agreed on an au pair that we both wanna fuck.
Randomize
