you were so drunk you tried to use the microwave as a calculator for your BAC
why is it whenever you puke in the park there are always little kids on the swings?
He kept referring to his penis a his "love gun"
The guy in the next stall screamed courtesy flush and then puked. Bless you Vegas
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We got three kegs and a backhoe. Now taking bets on what charges we end up getting arrested for. Will need bail money.
The only thing worse than being hungover is being hungover and not able to open your mouth wide enough to eat a cheeseburger
I'll be gone when you wake up but you hit a girl so I knocked you out. Never hit a girl. Unless it's with your penis.
he says he is going to get you very high and make you leave the country with him
possibly by boat
So our trip to Disney World ended in the three of us stripping at a gay club in orlando.
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I ate vegetarian today, so I deserve a beer.That's my justification.
It's like you're the voice of my soul.
I'm not sorry for loving America more than everyone else
Nobody feels the need to text me back. Men. And I sent myself a message saying nakedness. I'm all the man I need.
The night was crazy enough that we did a workout. Instructed by the bouncer at 2am
They said you went back in for 30 minutes and were walking with your arms out like an eagle soaring
That means I have to put pants on. That is not something I am willing to do right now.
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