Nights of college: 1. Virgins: 1. Yes.
just fit an iguana in a condom...have pics
dude i just figured out that the tostitos sign is two people eating chips and salsa. being high totally pays off sometimes
i don't know where i am. i made bad decisions. i think this guy is dead.
it's kinda bad that we're already planning travel arrangements to his funeral
I wish I could rewind to my 8th birthday instead. I wanna wake up, eat as much cake as I want, and have a Transformers birthday party without someone judging me.
I threw up in the shower, slipped, and fell in it. Should I try and continue my day or just get back in bed?
Just woke up to the best idea ever. Vodka infused BUTTER. Take a second, and think of the possibilities.
YOU WORK IN THE US CAPITOL! YOU CANNOT HAVE SEX IN THE BATHROOM!!
Dude, you are totally ruining intern season for me...
She kept asking for cigarettes, than just put them in her purse as "savings"
Sorry. Not doing life today. Love to. But can't.
He said he could outsmoke me so I challenged him to a weed duel. I don't always very competitive but when I do...
He just stopped in the middle of undressing for sex to dip his slice of pizza in ranch. I think I’m in love.
My boss is explaining why he thinks time goes by faster and faster. Bc of the rockets. No lie.
I came twice AND he sent me home with edibles. I think he’s a keeper.
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