Just ordered a clown who does balloon animals. No backing out now.
The baby slept soo good last night. Its like he knows the importance of me being intoxicated all weekend.
It's okay, I climbed on the roof of the bar to get my shoe back. This may become a Saturday tradition. I'll keep you updated
I vaguely remember chanting "USA" at the pool when we were talking to the Frenchies.
We were pointing at fat people and chanting USA.
I can't tell if they're having sex or watching the beach scene from Saving Private Ryan. All I know is I hear explosions and men screaming and crying
Just saw a guy walking down the street carrying a giant inflatable penis
Just arrived at our party
Got home last night and found a Big Mac in the shower, tampons all over the place, and two pairs of your panties on the front porch.
K, im gonna wait to get my dick pierced so we can do it as a family function.
he BROKE his KNEE while we were getting it on, called 911 and the ambulance that showed up contained two paramedics, ONE WAS HIS FUCKING SISTER!!! HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?!?!
Poor life choices...?
I’m not closing myself off the to the possibility of making a bad life choice.
Facebook just reminded me of the time I found two IHop cheese sticks in my hand bag. Those were the days.
I'm eating chicken wings naked and hungover at 10am... Happy bday to me
You should have just fucked me in the bathroom when you had a chance!
I just heard a crying baby from out my apartment window and yelled SAME
i thought the time we went to a party with no shoes on was bad, how about the time you left with no pants on?
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