my door was closed and her door was closed but even over the r.kelly playing at full blast i was able to hear her say "THAT'S NOT THE RIGHT HOLE!". Def rethinking my roommate situation.
this kid at 40 friday greeted another kid by saying "heeey farmville neighbor"
dude.
yep. needless to say i didn't meet anyone and spent yet another friday night masturbating.
My grandma paid her handyman in pain killers. I now know why this is in my genes
apparently the dude across the street has been dead for like a month. now I feel bad about pissing on his lawn
the ceiling is raining jello shotss
How am I suppose to fully love you when you cant even open up and try to fulfill my midget fantasy
You'd think if the campus holds 28,000 undergrad I wouldn't run into three people I've hooked up with in one day
she says she's going to shake me awake in 15min intervals if I pass out
this was your mom?
I just windexed my mirror headboard, Lets get to work.
I asked my mom if she could pick up something for me to drink since we ran out of orange juice and she goes "We have beer, champagne, and baileys. Drink one of those."
I don't know what the bubonic plague feels like- but I'm gonna guess its something like this.
It was the cape. I can't control myself when I wear a cape.
They're letting me in by good graces, I can't show up with a fist full of dildos
IT TOOK ME LIKE AN HOUR TO DO THAT. DO YOU KNOW HOW HARD IT IS FOR ME TO CONCENTRATE ON ONE THING FOR AN ENTIRE HOUR?!
Quick question—how good are you at digging holes? I mean, besides the one you've dug for yourself. asking for a friend
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