i just walked outside for a cigarette and three men walked by in glitter heels and gold shiny thongs. god i love chicago
So A**** bought my story about how my hickey was a bruise from wrestling
on one hand i'm glad that i'm not in trouble...on the other hand i realized that the reason i cheat on her is because she is so stupid
i'm eating jello out of a teacup with a fork. awesome?
I just told the 2nd grade class leprechauns are the children of midgets.
kerrys trying to convince everyone in the bar shes a lesbian. cheers to not being the drunkest girl in the room. i probably wont piss myself tonight.
So im walking through ohare and this guy walks by with a cart full of big bottles of liquor. I want to know what flight hes on.
There comes a time where you just have to sit back and watch the drunken idiots pee on each other
I really hope jumping jacks prevent pregancy because I'm kind of banking on it right now, do you know why there's a unicycle in the corner of my room?
i've never been that scared in my life. i ran naked into the corner and he just stood there trying to shield his boner from the light.
Until she magically finds a brain, I'm going to be a dick. Fair trade. She's a idiot, I'm an ass.
After seeing all of the pics during the trial, all I could think was "her vagina doesn't look THAT dangerous"
We got buck wild in our animal onesies last night. You kept ripping off your tail in angry rages.
What part of a retired stonemason dealing with your rock hard cock does not sound like you have the wrong number ?
he started frosting cupcakes and licking the mini-spatula realllllly deliberately and i don't know if i'm more attracted to him or the cupcakes
video games take priority over anything else you can offer me.
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