So pretty much, I was trying to piece last night together and remembered a point where I was pointing to you heart then touching your face. I'm not sure that I ever translated that to "I like your personality better than your looks" but that's what I meant
Thank you for leaving pool of vagina on my girlfriends carpet.
hey dude i know youre in the next room but me and your sister need a condom, got any i could borrow?
i woke up naked with 27 half ripped $ bills in my bed from ripping them off the wall of the bar
Dude, she uses Old Spice. It smelled like I was eating out my grandfather.
Lesson Learned this Week... If it seems too good to be true he is probably just trying to get you pregnant.
Dude, didnt you only know that guy for a month and he is demanding offspring?
Apparently, at this age my womb is an early conversation
he just started chanting dark meat! dark meat! out of no where.
Yelling drunk tank or bust at a cop, not a good idea
It was horrifying, i havent seen a girls mouth open that wide since that one episode of Goosebumps..
U thinks that's bad? He told me that he had to envision high school wrestling in order to bust a nut with some girl
Help me. My dealer just asked me to have a child with him. Sat me down for a heart to heart "he's almost 40 and losing his shit cause he's single and wants babies" talk. How the fuck am I supposed to feel about this????
Sean slept in the bushes beside my house again. Any reason he kept screaming/slurring 'it was all a bunch of goddamn lies' through out the night?
WHAT A DUMBASS ugh I'm so glad he looks like a middle aged dad now
my penis made a compromise with my morals
so you might not believe this but he made a powerpoint. and gave you a 3.5/10.
Randomize
