we just decided that lesbian tuesdays are a must, as of tomorrow.
I've broken several federal laws in the name of sex.
Dude, you chugged an entire bottle of tomato sauce and got us free drinks for the night. No way was I gonna stop you.
It's like a teen mom casting at the Obgyn's office. I feel great about my positive life decisions.
I almost lit my balls on fire tonight.
Come make me food. I feel like if I go in the kitchen I will just get Gin.. and pass out in there.
Did we pole dance in front of my boss last night or was it just me?
Fuckin' raining men in my bedroom while I'm trying to drunk eat a rather large portion of pasta. Like shoo I already picked who I'm sleeping with. Pasta wins.
I need you to be best friend brutally honest about whether or not I can go into public like this.
Tis the season to play Pocahontas! (AKA: Eat a bunch of acid and run around the yard barefoot, the first person to see the colors of the wind, wins!)
He serenaded me say anything-style with Weird Al songs and then blew me on the beach. I'd say he's a keeper.
Never let your siblings swipe right.
i made out with his shirt. MDMA, man.
They kept freaking out that you were missing and potentially having sex.. like it was a bad thing. Got fed up with hearing it so i just yelled "ITS HER BIRTHDAY AND SHE CAN FUCK IF SHE WANTS TO!" They gave me unnecessary looks. I thought it was acceptable.
i woke up fully clothed with teenage dream on repeat. something is wrong with me
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