I think we should urban dictionary "drive of shame." It involves a sprint to your car in his underwear and shirt, surreptitiously trying to put on your bra on at stoplights without attracting attention from neighboring cars, and lurking in your car a block from home so you can know when your roommate leaves for work.
he just found out his girl is having a boy. he's probably googling "Ed Hardy diapers" as we speak.
Note to self: when drunk try to remember that ctrl, alt and dance doesnt exist on a keyboard.
there is no 'pace myself' on the blackout express
I woke up next to her will a oven mit taped to my cock. Dear god, I might have tried to use it as a condom.
Not sure. We'll pass out on that bridge when we stumble to it.
I can't believe you big bird do not remember battling a shark last night it turned into a Pokemon battle and big bird over powered the shark
sorry like um she made me hold her puke bag while she peed in front of me is that better
Literally just saw a 7 year old intently rub his penis on the metro. I'm not ready for this
First night of sleeping in the same bed, and she farted on me. I immediately excused myself and went home. Don't know if we're still together. Will update you.
She kept giving the uber driving directions and we all thought they were wrong so we'd send him the other way. Turns out she wasn't guiding us home, but to the half gallon that she hid in the bushes on the way to the bar.
Why is there cereal literally EVERYWHERE?
It didn't follow directions.
I or someone else dumped a lot of glitter into my boobs last night.
Plus you get to call him out on being a dick. It's more satisfying than ever sex I've ever had.
It’s just a penis. It’s like every other penis except it’s not the one you’re married to. Ride it or don’t ride it, but don’t agonize about it
Your not going to hell because you need some strange and the neighbor noticed you look damn good in a bikini
Randomize
