By the way the fattest man alive got married yesterday and I don't even have a boyfriend.
Strip flip cup NEVER equals good idea
Just wondering why in an apartment full of stoners there is half a waffle in the TRASH CAN. get ur shit together man
woke up with ski boots on and a kayak in my room... birthday successful? i'd say so
I am not saying a eulogy for your vibrator.
It smelled like mall pretzels. Of course I investigated.
his teacher called to say he gave a girl on the playground a rock to touch his penis. proudest moment of my fatherhood
CHEMICAL ENGINEER. God my mom would be so proud of me.
I woke up in my own bed clutching a key to a Ramada in another state.
ALso, saw an adorable man walking an adorable dog with his adorable kid.
And yes, that last sentence is biased because my ovaries started screaming
They shouted last call and the guy next to me and I looked each other up and down and went in unison "yup, you'll do"
I'm a drunk white girl and my ancestors were drunk white girls, if we apologized our species would be extinct.
I felt like I should've driven him home but I was holding in a fart and just needed him to leave
I'm not sure of this happened or if it was just a dream... But I vividly remember you walking down the street naked?
No actually I had socks on...
you have to get here a cop came into the bar and she looks like Sarah Palin. I think I'm gonna try and bang her
Randomize
