Moving to Utah. Got sick of alcohol and have a severe wife shortage.
Red Bull/Vodka? You bet I'm showing everyone my penis tonight.
Brought out my three foot martini glass last night, that explains why I haven't left my bed all day long.
Dude has a bag of wine attached to his belt. These guys don't fuck around.
Leaving the phone at home last night was the best decision I ever made.... Though I still managed to text her and now I have 2 phones...
like he said he was barking at you while cumming in your face
I only put bad things in my body...jack, caffeine, chocolate, pills, and rich's cock. It's like being holistic but exactly opposite
Just drove by where I lost my sausage gravy virginity
He was on my bed looking at me like a sacrifice to the gods of gay sex and he's definitely a bottom. Like Jesus Christ a really, really great ass of a bottom.
Do they mail horrible human being awards or do I have to pick it up or what's the protocol on that shit
Wow just discovered I can communicate my favorite sex positions using only emojis god bless this age of technology
All I want is some guy to eat me out while I work on grad school things then go on his way
We've been taking shots, cranking Marilyn Manson, and eating your bacon. Your kid is probably ruined.
I puked on someone's floor last night and then they proceeded to ask me on a date.
Sorry. Im too sleepy to penis.
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