It was laundry day and I was wearing last xmas undies. he took one look and went...you's a ho, ho, ho. my response you ask? for less dough, dough, dough. I'm a slut.
with a sacreligious after taste.
how much do you want to bet that her wedding invites will be vera bradley themed? loser has to frame theirs.
I told my girl, that I use to jerk off to Star Trek. All she says is, "Oh my gawd, you're such a trekie!". If I was her, I'd be weirded out more than me being a Trek Fan.
You thought that the "chillable" logo on the box wine was referring to a city in italy.
I may have just googled Muppet Treasure Island drinking game
Thank God I did Vegas bombs with those cops at their Christmas party. We should so be in jail.
Why don't we skip the roadtrip entirely, save us the trip, and go straight to jail?
20 bottles of wine, 3 cases or beer, and 5 bottles in my kitchen... My parents are teasing me.
We got to his house at 7am and two random guys were on the couch shot gunning beers saying we were late for the party
Apparently I'm short enough to sit on his lap and fuck him while he is driving because the cop didn't notice.
There must be a happy medium universe where you get it on with my girlfriend enough to cause me pain but not a full on cardiac arrest. It's a fine line to tread though.
The last person that asked me out got pushed down an escalator
I am harder than a fucking diamond and Michael Bolton is playing. Your move.
Noo not in a booty call way, in a 'How are your abs and penis doing today?' sort of way.
Sharted again. Stuck in traffic. Fuck
Randomize
