hey this is lauren, i have to type for jon because he's convinced the tongs he's holding are his real hands
After a valiant attempt at golf, I think it's time for Tiger to go back to doing what he does best- having sex w/ blond, white women.
His hospital is closing...I consider it "sorry you're losing your job" sex.
while being fingered today, I was told I have an abnormally deep g-spot. Now you know, I am a size queen because of SCIENCE.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Nothing on google about my condom issue. However, if you get a chance google: condom with teeth.
Apparently, his doctor was impressed with how well we took care of his leg. We're like the kings of naked triage.
Every time I try to stand up the back of my head feels like a bunch of little elves are beating the inside of my scalp with their toy making tools. What disease could this be?
You had the nerve to crowd surf to your own bedroom.. I guess watching Aladdin high was probably the best idea ever
A big thanks to that bride-to-be, Her fiance and his loaded friends will forever hold a place in my heart for the generous tequila body shots on the couch at Henry's.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was riding him and in the middle he literally said "fuck yeah, Amy Winehouse"
Like I'm not tryna become president or marry a doctor or some shit here, like one level above garbage is all I'm asking for
I have this theory that your highest awareness of how drunk you are is while you're sitting on a toilet
Dude I turned down free booze. I think I'm growing as a person.
IM ON THE WEIRD DRUGS AND I JUST SAW THAT TOM HARDY THING NOW I WANT TO HUMP
when I walked in the door they were passed out naked, on top of eachother, with tetris controllers in their hands.
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