Wish I didn't live with 3 girls so I could beat off in peace.
I wish guys would just cum water 'cause you don't have to worry about being pregnant and it'd be like a squirt gun fight
just overheard a conversation that ended in "and that's what I learned in France" How could that not have been about sex
We had unprotected sex and she's eating life cereal for breakfast. The universe is telling me get the plan b for her
Can you explain to me how i got kicked out of a bar last night, from outside the bar?
It was just a reflex. BOOM I kicked her in the face
Should have told me the night we were talking about deal breakers that vomming outside your car was one of them. I would have taken a cab back
Note to self: last nights makeup does NOT, under ANY circumstances, look good today.
WE SHOULD FUCK TWO GUYS THAT LIVE TOGETHER
THAT WOULD BE SO CONVENIENT WE COULD CARPOOL
Why do I think he'd like to keep my hair in a box?
That tampon felt like a stick in my vagina, I am never making a drunken tampon choice again. Friends don't let friends choose tampons drunk.
Hold on...did you Instagram a picture of you and your boyfriend while you were sending me dirty snapchats?
just got back. in my inebriated state i broke an ugly lamp and was sent to the store (still drunk) to get a new one. just spent last half hour in isle 3 of dollar general surounded by more ugly lamps and trying not to throw up on each and every single one.
you know you should be lucky to find the case to my dildo....that means no more random guys at the house!
If I didn't have booty calls, my apartment would never get clean
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