OH MY GOD! I just remembered how we ended our bar time last night: picking up and drinking random drinks that ppl had left. wtf is wrong with us?! that's so ghetto!
No. You're kidding.
I am not. I wish I were. I speak the truth.
I either date the nice guys or the assholes. There isn't any in between.
You need to find a taint.
My professor is talking about sperm and all I can think about is my mouth
I dont have enough money in my bank account to buy a pregnancy test. this wouldnt be the first time ive had to steal one either...
The nurse gave me a funny look when I said I thought I have an std in my throat. Bet she only does it missionary too
This bitch rocks a fuckin fanny pack and still manages to lose her phone at every thirsty thursday
I feel like I should pray to the god of Febreze, because it is like it washes away the smell of all my sins from the bed
so i might have figured out why that girl isn't talking to me...I'm 90% confident I didn't give her a pillow when she stayed over >.>
eating chex mix on the couch when he walks in naked and asks how he looks. are you shitting me.
I woke up with a black eye and a buttplug...not sure I really want to know what happened.
On another note I never thought having a drug addicted stalker would prove useful
I love that my family celebrates every holiday with a joint. Chanukah? Mazel-juana! Easter? What's more spring than the color green? Election day? What better way to celebrate democracy in action than medical pot?
Yep, you're going to hell.
I take on this great possibility with a beer in one hand and the girl I'm gonna fuck later in the other
Grandma keeps pulling a bottle of captain from her pocket and spiking people's drinks.. She just yelled "I'm DAMN HOT to be a grandma!" .. I LOVE HER.
im mourning your vaginas lack of frictional upkeep
Randomize
