I DID IT WITH MY SOCKS ON!
I told him to come back in 5mins cause i needed to take a few more shots before i could talk to him
Banned from zoo.
Again?
im starting to measure my showers by the number of beers i drink while im in there.
well,he told me "i bet you five bucks that i can right cum on the mirror with my cum" i said alright do it, lets just say he's five bucks richer...
im glad we only fight about serious things like the hills and disney scene it
So apparently the bar gave out free condoms, which I now have a pocket full of. Why is drunk me shoving the fact that I'm single and not getting laid in sober me's face...
in a thick russian accent she said "im not so good with english, much better with dick"
We need to talk about the sailor moon porn. Do what you want in your room, but I don't want to come home to you cranking it on the couch to that.
I almost died in that meeting. Nearly dried up and blew away in the pure powder form of boredom
I know that feel bro
On the way home there was a guy passed out IN the road on Colfax with his pants around his ankles, completely bare assed. If he was dressed as a speed bump, he succeeded.
I was drunk while I accepted my job offer. Here's to growing up.
well i don't NEED my liver but it's nice to have one when you're trying to have a good time
Between fucking and sleeping I woke up missing four out of five of the earrings I was wearing. It's like a star rating system. I had to give him props.
There. There is gum on my butt cheek IT IS NOT MINE
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