You know your life is awesome when sometimes you walk down the street eating a sandwich and you run into someone you had a threesome with. And not say hi.
i used the phrase horny rhinos in my paper. i hope my teacher appreciates the size of my balls
Weddings at vineyards should never be allowed to happen. I'm pretty sure I drank every bottle they produced in 2008.
We have a drunk bartender with her nips a quarter inch from bein out buying us shots. GET HERE.
You just said the magic words
Dude, she introduced me to her best friend form Russia and she was a 10. Her other Russian friend was even hotter. How did communism fail?
just spent $80 on an im sorry breakfast from mcdonalds for everyone sleeping in my apartment for being a drunkass and locking everyone out of the apartment at 2am.
Please tell me I did not ask the bartender how big his dick was.
check off brunette on the list of girls tht hit me with there cars and then fucked me later
It's like past high you was looking out for future high you by rolling that joint and leaving it in your coat pocket. What a Halloween miracle
yea plus he's gonna be wearing his gumby costume so that'll take a lot of pressure off too
We got signed out of jail by an Uber driver. I think that qualifies as a great first night of college
you're hired as official boob wrangler
On a happier note, I can fit in my old shorts. Dope does have its perks
I got arrested FOR running from the cops. In college Dad got arrested and THEN ran from the cops. So it could be worse.
I've been trying to fall asleep with ice packs covering my vagina for the last hour... Sorry for being vulgar. I'm going to kill myself.
Randomize
