If they ask for a stool sample we r no longer friends.
How far into the semester do we have to be before it's ok to get drunk in between classes again?
2 am we went back to his house. his mom handed us beers and cooked us pancakes. the next morning his dad had washed my car. i lied. living at home after college definitely does not suck.
We are not in the same countries and I heard about your hook up last night BEFORE you.
explain the broken jalepenos in my underwear drawer?
He offered to teach me how hula hoop in exchange for acid. I took him up on it.
Please stop letting me make out with hot lesbians.
Definitely not. I may be your best friend, but first and foremost I am a guy. Please continue.
He walked straight into the wall, said "excuse me ma'am" and continued back to his dorm room.
Apparently we stole a dog last night. I woke up and it was just staring at me. But we fed it left over KFC for breakfast so it's cool.
When we missed a fist bump and simultaneously did the Rocket Power handshake I knew I was going to blow him.
Ok, maybe playing "whose family is most dysfunctional" wasn't the best drunk idea we've had. Todd''s been crying in the bathroom for an hour. We can't get him out...
Can we be gay Bert and Ernie for Halloween?
YOU'RE NOT THE ONE BEING EVISCERATED BY YOUR OWN UTERUS SO GET SOME DAMN SLEEP YOU FOOL!
am drunk, naked, and blow drying cat. need adult supervision
Bowls and Harry Potter this morning. I guess work isn't so bad after all
Randomize
