I love that she's always that person who people think it's a good idea to invite her to something. and then she's there and you realize, "nope."
I told him I would sleep with him if he could name all the colors of the wind.
No flights in Europe due to the volcano erupting. God himself is telling me to spend 4.20 in Amsterdam.
Not only do I have sand in my ass, but a crab pinched me while we were fucking. Still totally worth it.
She's lying on the sidewalk wailing that she is gonna die alone, with hundreds of strangers watching us, and also we lost Kate, . Please help me
Swallowing. Like you said. Lions. Always.
I really wish I had added "blowjob on a slide at a playground" to my bucket list before last night.
Nothing like an old fashioned, wine fueled, anxiety-cry in the shower to start off finals week.
It's 6 a.m. ... what the hell.
His roommates came in and started a dance party in his room while we were having sex. He said it wasnt the first time.
Operation "Inform her family she stars in a sadistic lesbian porn film" is in full effect. She picked the wrong guy to cheat on.
Celebrated the veterans I suppose, my mouth tastes of gin and black outs
i went out at 5pm and cant remember anything until 3am...i was at the bus stop parking lot running around doing the Arrested Development chicken calls.
It's not Christmas until you get a photo from an ex wearing a Santa hat and red boxers... And then you just respond with, "nope."
if i had an alexa it would be saying “have sex with guys that don’t care about you”
Social anxiety problems: I just had to get up and change stalls mid-poop because someone sat down in the one next to mine.
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