How do u get a lost condom out? Like really lost... up there...
he just sent me a friend request on facebook. i wish it were physically possible to vomit on him through the internet.
And i generally try not to roofie people when I'm in a committed relationship.
I'm already at the bar. It's 2 PM. Help
Just so were clear I meant the head your face is on
He's socially awkward. He has a big dick. We've had this talk before, they're socially awkward because they don't leave the house they just sit home and play with it.
Just threw up in front of the Boy Scouts on my base. Welcome to the Navy kids.
And then you asked me why my legs were so thick and started measuring them with a ruler
I bought new panties to console myself ... you know, because I am going to lose my ovaries. Well, if I don't die of a heart attack first. But at least when the EMS folks find me, I'll be finely dressed from the waist down.
Side note: the physics of a guy my size and age getting laid in the backseat of a Toyota Camry are absolutely staggering
Next time a random bus filled with santas pulls up to the bar, I'm not getting on it.
I can still taste the Jäger. I'm gonna shoot myself.
As a friend tho, you have the biggest dick I've ever seen
Apparently stoned me thought eating chips in the shower was a good idea.
I may just have to resign myself to life in flats. He's a sexy little chipmunk that worships me.
Randomize
