If I die today, promise to let the world know I partied.... oh god did I party
I saw Winona at my church today. She has boobs, now.
Miracles do happen.
What's the point of being healthy if people still don't want to fuck you?
I'll just get wasted and start throwing myself at men. Someone's bound to take the bait
Her gay brother kept hitting on me and cockblocking me. Don't even begin to tell me how bad your night was.
I don't care if we have to swim home from the bar, Im not gonna sit home in the dark and read some fucking book
You're either a hooker or Beyonce. Beyonce is abnormally good at doing everything in heels
I hate it when the guy who runs the chicken and waffles truck is convinced that I run a cult.
that is the opposite of a normal text message.
I'm not saying Tijuana was a bad idea, I'm saying that we make poor life choices. And Steve was robbed by the police.
So... Really random... You know we only exist cause Dad misspelled 'perseverance', right?
Trying to roll joints on a seadoo in the middle of a lake on a windy night. -Juststonerthings
It could happen. I haven't creeped the rest of the guest list yet.
Just creeped. Everyone is a passable 7. Orgy is a go!
Wanna have a sleepover and take me to court in the morning?
Who died my cat blue again?
Is it sad that the most attractive guy I've come across in a week that's not my professor is the man doing my pedicure?
Randomize
