would it be rude to tell a homeless man that he should sell the lebron jersey and brand new nikes he's wearing if he's really that hungry
my brother came home with a bottle of vodka and his pants off. were gonna spend more quality time together.
Apparently I joined a band last night. Definitely my favorite blackout.
theres still like 7 beers in the gutter from the roof party we had last night. i dont know how we got up there. but we need to get those beers down.
I walked down to the adult beverage store and got two bottles of jim beam and s shooter of crwon black label because we didn't have any Tylenol
Fuck that must be a crazy sunburn.
This is your liver's 7:15 wake up call. Mandatory margarita popsicles after work today. Rule #71: no excuses, play like a champ!
I'm hungry
Come here to eat and play. It'll be like Dave and Busters except with sex
They just built a gym in the same parking lot as my favorite bar. Drunk me is gonna be so excited.
Should I go sleeveless of strapless?
Hmmm, it doesn't matter. You're gonna be topless by the end of it.
He literally said I should watch game of thrones while I was blowing him like is this the conversation you want to be having right now
I mean it's a good blow job, but it's not worth the four hour round trip.
Girl you know I'm an advocate of debauchery but you might wanna check yoself.
In other news, the one guy I DIDN'T have sex with in High School is now famous.
Only you would try street racing in a Volvo.
The sex would be better if it wasn’t interrupted because his home detention ankle monitor needed charging. At least I know he’s not cheating on me
Do you even hear yourself?
Randomize
