i can't believe i haven't brushed my teeth. and i just kissed my grandma. I'm going to hell.
you know you've been playing too much mario kart when you see a curve in the road ahead and see yourself drifting around it
i want to open my blinds to let the sunlight in my room, but i'm afraid my neighbors will be able to see me drinking and judge me
Tell us when you see the semi truck on fire.
Contrary to what I yelled at them last night, it turns out campus police CAN arrest people...
Its so hard looking at my mom and pretending I'm not dying a slow death of binge drinking
You're just mad that I don't wanna have dugout sex with you
Fun fact of the day: Our cat does not like rum.
You know what's even more awkward then buying plan b from someone who is a member at the gym you work at... When they come in after that day and have that look of recognition
I have fuck me eyes 4/5 people agree. It's like doctors or dentists but with ppl who have lots of sex and know these things.
I smoked my last bong as the sun rose. It was magical.
Yeah, I mean I'll probably fuck him regardless but I'm trying to be a lady about it.
When he mumbled "I can't feel my legs," proceeded to stand, fall over, and just lay there I knew I'd given great head...
Was make out with a 38 year old lesbian on our bucket list? if it was you can go ahead and cross that one off.
Tequila. The ruiner of all good intentions.
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