There is a girl getting fingered on my left, a middle aged drink man smoking a bong and two girls flashing the cameras in front of me. I'm in the middle trying to maintain my innocence.
they thought it would be fun to get out their yearbook and see who hooked up with the most guys..I won...I don't even go to the same school
Met some locals. They are taking me to a place where there is topless bullriding. I love this country.
He gave me an orgasm with his left hand...and he's right handed. Of course he's a keeper.
how are you not completely traumatized after 8 years of friendship with me?
hes trying to draw the periodic table on his chest with a sharpie. i'm not sure how thats going to help him on his chem final, but he keeps shouting "this is how the pros do it"
Apple should advertise that their phones are puke-proof. They would appeal to a whole new audience.
I drank all the drinks. And jump off roof. Yay
Sorry, I am not your wing girl tonight,. in my pjs, eating cereal from the box. Hell I only shaved the inside of my legs just so they wouldn't itch. Not happening.
It's a gay bachelor party, it's not like dignity is to be expected
We HAVE another bedroom, it's not like I was gunna chain you into the closet. Often.
I have a terrible feeling that I made out with a fraternity last night
I woke up on the green space outside our dorm cradling a watermelon and sucking my thumb. College is crazy man.
I think drunk me saved him in my phone as "beautiful man" to play a joke on sober me
I have decided that I would still fuck Harrison Ford even though he is old as fuck now. Do you think it would kill him?
Most likely. But I bet he'd do a bang up job of it before he died.
He absolutely would.
Randomize
