Far right against the wall..hiding come find me. dont tell oyhers hahaha
This is your Morning Wood Report: I have it.
I was so drunk last night, I had to Wikipedia what i did.
The best revenge is premature balding
Just woke up with three stitches in my left boob. Nevertheless, I think I'm going to like this school.
I'm sober enough to realize she looks like a man, but drunk enough to do it anyways
vaguely remember the bartender stopping me outside last night so he could pull the duct tape out of my hair
Hey man thanks for carrying me in and out of that frat house. There's no I in team.
I like it when Amish boys stare at my boobs, even tho I can't tell if it's in appreciation or disgust. Rumspringa, mothafuckers.
You know it's been awhile when the imagery of fucking AT A DENNY'S gets me really turned on.
I doubt she'll sponsor it. You know alcohol and fireworks don't mix, right?
It's okay. We're not going to soak the fireworks in alcohol. The alcohol is for drinking.
showering high made me realize that i should seriously reconsider my career path... id be a damn good hair shampooer & head massager
We're fucking and Lee Greenwood God Bless the USA comes on and he came. It was the most Roll Tide America moment of my life.
I wish I could open myself up and check on my liver. Make sure it's hanging on. Ya know?
I’m photoshopping my boobs to up my Tinder game. I need better dick in 2020
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