For the amount I put out, I should be going on way more dates.
Fire inspection over. Blunts are OK
There's been so much talk around your vagina it's like a local celebrity
he was so high that he wouldn't speak to anybody for like 30 minutes, he'd only gobble, like a turkey.
I think he just gave me the 'I used to fuck your sister' discount
he went down on me with a nose plug on, you tell me how it went
Girl it's 3:30 get your life together and come enjoy a bowl, some coffee and a brownie with me
there's an entire drinking game devoted to nobody liking her face
I was packing a bowl naked and her dog just stared at me with pure rage
My sunday was babysitting three big, drunk, crying Swedes. Unless your day involved four or more giant drunk swedes I don't want to hear about it.
He said he'd prefer a photo rather than discuss politics, I sent him a snapchat "conservative shorts 4 conservative man". He said "be liberal"
The girl in line in front of me at the grocery store is buying wine, m&m minis, a toothbrush, and condoms. Is it inappropriate to high-five her?
This is the nicest bathroom I've ever been drunk in. The urinal is gold.
whatever. i just wanna get "forget my own name" wasted
no. you need to know your name so people know where to return you when you get lost.
what do u think we would be doing right now if we were together
Urinating on unicorns
Randomize
