Shiiiit I think I'm getting sick. probably had something to do with the fact that i shared my mouth with everyone last night.
Wait. That came out far sluttier than I intended.
Do you know how easy it would be to shoplift if I was a magician?!
he wanted to have me eat skittles off of his body. he mad gay sex even gayer.
you drank a bottle of vodka and then while throwing up in my toilet you kept reminding me our hs reunion was in 2 yrs and it was time to start getting thin again anyway
the theme of the baby shower is Nightmare On Prego Street
I can't be drunk. Sober yes. Drunk no. Spoonfuls
I woke up this morning and the search history on my phone says: "What is this castle in front of my house?"
Some people dream of being astronauts others dream of having genitalia that shines like Edward Cullen in the sun
Just realized i left my bra at his house. WHY do i suck at one night stands?!
Last night I somehow got INCREDIBLY wasted & thought it was a good idea to make a group chat with all the guys I'm hooking up with and just say "bye." soo I'm hiding out till next week.
He yelled "Go Ducks" while he came
I apparently got up in the middle of the night after fucking him and started looking for you under piles of his clothing
He kept saying "Welcome to Indianapolis" over and over while we were having sex...because that's his hometown. I was scared and confused... I didn't know if I should have said thank you or what.
Like I'll lick your nuts to make you feel better if you don't get it
I’d clean the kitchen before making food. Mark “rang in the New Year” with some rando in there last night
Randomize
