you have no chance. her best friend is a human abstinence poster.
he confused my yawn for an orgasm
I just horrified a large group of people. Congrats on dating me.
I'm just going to say , cocktail races are not for a Wednesday night maybe not even a Friday type of deal
Just so were clear I meant the head your face is on
I just got a nosebleed on a date at the cheesecake factory...
just run out of the bathroom with blood gushing down your face and scream "ITS IN THE CHEESECAKE!!!!!"
I have suspicion of morning wood.
How are you unsure as to the current state of your penis?
There's going to be a velveeta shortage. I'm not drunk any more, this is just dire info.
AND I JUST BURNT MY BACON. WTF MONDAY. SCREW YOU TOO
I got his number because he was "impressed with how much I could handle"...I was chasing shots with Olive Garden breadsticks...
I don't really want to explain what i mean by this so just answer yes or no. are 5 cows enough?
I'm definitely drunk. At the gyno. On my birthday. Life is a joooooooke
I don't know what else is in your wedding gift, but I just pulled out a pair of handcuffs in front of her grandmother.
Also a whip and a blindfold. Don't be a bitch, enjoy it!
I'm praying to the gods of sex we both get laid this weekend. Amen. Love you
I’m turning 34 on Friday and I feel like the only thing I’ve accomplished in life so far is getting into pissing matches with clients
Randomize
