Mmmm, vodka for breakfast
think im gonna go get a six pack before class and sit in the back of the room...
She spent a lot of time to get her cleavage to look that good. It would be rude not to stare. It shows you are paying attention. Chicks dig that.
The first couple times was just weird, but after last night, I'm beginning to think you have a real problem banging pregnant women who are carrying someone elses child.
Jazzercise themed birthday pub crawl. 6 bars in 6 hours.everyone was a hot mess.
Can we make a sex game out of monopoly somehow?
They figured our he was high when he told the manager he wanted a break to go wrap his dick in toliet paper and pretend it was a ghost.
the only good thing about going home with him was that he was prettier than me.
It started out as friends with benefits and now I'm picking up her kids from daycare...what has happened to me
Every minute you wait for the sex that's not gonna happen, we're missing a tone deaf, drunk, tard-asaurus rex half-sing a 90's song to a bunch of other dinotards at karaoke.
I just need you to stay far enough away that I can't smell your cologne. I completely forget that I fucking hate you as soon as I smell it.
I was going to try being motivated today. But then I took a hit while still in bed.
You have not lived until you've slid down a waterfall fucked out of your mind. Fact.
While the cops were busting my party one of them said. O you have an Xbox? Do you play online? Whats your gamertag?....
I've just realized that today's rations have consisted of turkey bacon and jack Daniels.
Randomize
