haha it's okay then, bc he only killed a canadian, they're not real people
Just lit a joint with steel wool and a 9 volt battery... thank you 3rd grade science class
I just introduced him to multiple male orgasms. I love wine AND tequila
I feel like i could break down a fucking wall with this boner
Soooo, coming over soon?
It's like you're a magic genie of bad timing
he fucked me so hard i could feel my pelvis shifting. like i legit feel more prepared for childirth now
No just sleep deprived. James woke me up at 7 and forced me to eat a hot pocket with him cause he " didn't want me to die".
my life is about to be the like the hunger games except with penises. and im going to win.
Missing part of a tooth cos I tried to open a beer with my teeth, just saw a dude that looked like bill Cosby though so things are looking up
She said she liked strap-ons.
SHE WAS TALKING ABOUT SHOES, YOU ASSHOLE! YOU'RE THE WORST WINGMAN EVER!
Life lesson: if a hot naked girl tells you to spit on something, you spit on it. No questions.
You stumbled in the door as high as a kite, & ran into the table. I asked you if you were all right. You replied with "I don't have any soup."
If ur gunna go fuck a guy that's in the baseball hall of fame do you need to shave your legs? I'm so lazy
I'm shrooming way too hard to deal with your bullshit at this particular point in time
I cant promise hot guys but i can promise alcohol which is close enough.
Randomize
