Kelly went into her room with Dave, but is moaning Tommy...
dude she has hot friends.. do you want blonde brunette or red head.. maybe asian?
what is this build-a-bear? .. just gimme one thats breathing
how the hell did u puke all over the magazines... do u still want me to keep them
Its 10:23 on a monday morning and im craving jello shots, this is a problem
You got into a heated argument about Frankenstein's intelligence while double fisting burritos from taco bell.
Heb just said, and I quote, "let's go to Who's On Third and fuck a fishbowl with our mouths. I am going to fuck this van." and then he humped a van.
This holiday season is going to be rough between people coming home for the holidays and the already regulars on my list I might have to clone my vagina to make sure I get everyone for all they are worth
I was hooking up with this girl last night and she's on top of me with "Flux Pavilion - I can't stop" grinding in the background and I thought "Holy shit I'm going to do a lot of Molly this semester."
Nautical themed porn is also great bc someone usually wears a captains hat
He has a British accent. He could read me the phone book and I would come so hard he would need a wizened old man in a rowboat to save him.
You texted me the words "butt stuff" 53 times in a four hour period last night.
On the bright side, only one more day until we aren't sober anymore.
Well there's a microwave in my yard now too. I fucking Bruce/Caitlyn Jennered decathloned that bitch.
I feel like I don't even know what's gonna happen when we first see each other. It'll be like explosions and glitter and a unicorn will run by pulling a sleigh of alcohol and sex.
HIDE THE INFLATABLE PENIS
Randomize
