He lets me throw up in him even if i do it mistakeily- erica talking about the toilet
You love me.
That's because, tragically, I adore whores.
There are huge fuckin pieces of palm tree in the road. what a road hazard. as i sit here and text you as i swerve to miss them
I feel more comfortable going down on her then actually kissing her.
Postcard from jail please. Reserving a spot on my fridge.
Called the cops on a high school party then went in after all the kids ran away and took the rest of the beer. What are you doing tonight?
Hey! Where are you? It's Irrisponsible Patio time and you're not here firing shots down summer student's throats
Ugh. Lets go crawl into a dairy-gluten-chlamydia free hole somewheres.
My 12 o'clock class is an all star team of my ex's hook ups
It's like Jesus got stoned and this would be the sandwiches he'd make
Let me be the vehicle for you to live out your slutty half-gay dreams.
I feel like I owe her child an apology or something after blowing my load on the tattoo she has of her.
They weren't kidding when they said "Go Army Strong." Best sex I ever had.
He was gone for 5 minutes, opened the car door and said, "Don't eat my shit." and dropped Chipotle on the passenger seat. He was gone for another 10 minutes and came back with Coldstone. That stoned.
She's gonna be mad if she finds out you put weed in her house warming cookies
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