He said he used to draw on the walls with poop when he was a kid.
you need to know that there is a kid here wearing an i mosh for Jesus shirt
I am not a stalker...i just bring a whole new meaning to the word love
Most fantastic sex ever until her Doberman took an interest in what we were doing. There was nothing more terrifying then feeling warm dog breath on my ballsack.
She carries her pencils in a crown royal bag... Need I say more?
On the couch having a debate with the dog over whether eating anothr sweet roll will make the hangover better or worse
He honestly told me my belt was "supercute" when we started hooking up. I would be the girl to find the only straight man in the world that uses the word "supercute".
and i'm going to kill you for what you did to my nipples last night. of course i want to hang out
I just got into the cab. It smells like weed and the driver looks like someone who may or may not be really talented at playing the saxophone. He also asked me my thoughts on porn when I told him I'm an actor. I might not make it home.
Again? Most people check out of hotels, they don't escape from them
You said you couldn't look at me because you would have to take off your sunglasses but you can't because they're the "guides to your eyes".
It's still 8am.
Yeah, but its wine drunk. WITH A DOCTOR. THAT MAKES MY MORNING CLASSY.
I love how encouraging you are, but I need you to stop me when the guy I'm going home with is a dead ringer for Nick Cage.
Is it disrespectful or patriotic to pole dance on an american flag pole?
When the nurses wouldn't let him smoke in the hospital he decided to just roll around on the floor.
Randomize
