five shots of tequila, anal and 3 cigarettes. not my best idea on a saturday afternoon.
A piece of cheeseburger just fell between my tits. Consider this a "wish you were here" postcard.
He crawled in my bed this morning, ate me out, and even brought me a panera deli sammie for lunch at school. I don't care what he lied about, all is forgiven him.
hes trying to draw the periodic table on his chest with a sharpie. i'm not sure how thats going to help him on his chem final, but he keeps shouting "this is how the pros do it"
Haha crisis adverted. Just told my dad I need to bone this guy. Nbd. He totes understands
Code red. She won't talk to me. Maybe it has something to do with her raccoon eyes. Perry said there was a brief moment of towel fighting until you passed out. Did you draw the turtle on my ass?
REALLY should have cleaned under my bed before I had my parents come help me pack...things my parents just found: several condoms and a bottle of lube. My mom when she found a condom: "ooo ribbed. Laura's a lucky girl"
There is booty call etiquette, and he just isn't following it. I'm not making you breakfast, gtfo.
Never thought I'd say this but the maple syrup flavored vodka probably wasn't our best idea
A drank guy in the ER just sang Trouble to me and when he sang 'Lying on the cold hard ground' he threw himself onto the ground and landed on the wrist he'd just broken. Thirsty Thursday is weird already and it's not even 5.
We watched the first ever season of SNL and fucked for so long. He accidentally punched me in the face, but I mean, John Belushi was the background noise of our sex. I can deal with it.
Every time you mention the threesome around him I will high five you. Do what you will with this information.
Well at least I will forever be known as the girl he ate out on the lifeguard stand while people walked by. On the first date.
I don't know what else to tell you.. just listen to some taylor swift and you'll know what to do in the morning
I just thought I should tell you that I always know what you are doing. Everywhere. Every time. -Your loving Mother
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