UPDATE: In a passionate fit of self love, I brought myself to orgasm under the moon on my 7th floor balcony, ejaculating between the rungs towards the ground.
Unfortunately, I did not realize that most of it would end up on the balcony below mine.
At least you don't cum in color.
after everytime she pucked, she insisted on us all giving her high fives
You spent most of the night crying and throwing leftover meatballs at the neighbors dogs
the only good thing about breaking up with him while naked was that i got to make a forgetting sarah marshall reference
Tip of the day: Don't ever send a bootycxall at 3 in aftnoon. No one will respond n u'll just feel fooolish.
I'm never waking up next to someone after sex again. It's alllll downhill from there.
NO SHITSVILLE I just saw a homeless dude punch a pigeon that flew by him
I need an adult. someone more adult than my current state
They found you popping and locking it alone in the parking lot
For dinner, I'm having saltines, canned whipped cream, and beer. Are we sure I'm responsible enough for home ownership?
Did I put a bunch of spaghetti on you and then eat it off?!?
That you did
i just used a selfie stick to take an ass pic. i hate myself.
Yeah but who says we can't be shitfaced and tan at the same time?
You know it's a good May 2-4 when it involves 14 straight hours of vodka slush and garlic bread
Walked off the dance floor to find Gabe hitting on a dad bod at the bar. It was my Dad. Awkward is an understatement.
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