Will you take my knitting needle, stick it far up my nose, reach in my frontal lobe and give it a few swirls?
i threw up in a trash can last night at kellys irish times. but in a trash can because i'm a lady
just because you are in college doesnt mean its okay to pregame easter mass.
she is like cheap alcohol. you can only get so buzzed before you get sick.
Wait, how is it that I'm just getting ready to go out and you're already showing your penis to freshmen girls?
just let her blow you already, it's practically animal cruelty at this point.
I just want a guy that likes cats and is willing to get a vasectomy. IS THAT SO MUCH TO ASK?!
So. I need to gloat. I couldn't exactly tell my family that I won this game by deep throating.
Yeah man i woke up and only had a Jimmy John's wrapper covering myself..
Know what the best part of waking up for work after a drinking vacation is? It's an easy question. Nothing. Nothing is the best part of that.
Just got road head. In broad daylight. On the interstate. During rush hour. Pushing the envelope one public bj at a time.
He was awful. Hubby's was apparently epic. I suck at swinging.
Let this be a lesson to you, parmesan cheese crumbles are not a good substitute for coffee creamer, no matter how high you are
He was so traumatized by the It's a small world ride but he immediately pulled out a flask from god-knows-where and got drunk before the ride was over. The ride operator didn't blame him.
You poured all their beer into ziploc baggies so it would be "better on the go"
Randomize
