apparently it's okay for him to stick his dick in my mouth but not to let me have a can of diet pepsi for the road.
Someone should've told Pope jumper lady and terrorist pants guy that the Worst of 2009 lists already went out....
M WATCHING THE HISTORY CHANNEL AND IT SAID THAT WHEN THE LUST PART OF THE BRAIN IS ACTIVATED THE JUDGEMENT PART IS NOT. THIS EXPLAINS SO MUCH.
so, I mean this in the straightest way possible, but don't you ever just feel like you owe Jon Stewart a blowjob...
He wears a hat. All the time. Even during sex. And I'm okay with that.
I want to let you in on my two latest life goals. Have a photograph of me squirting whipped cream into a midget's mouth, and have sex on a roof.
She can drink whiskey without a chaser and has a fridge full of whipped cream. Girlfriend potential
I'm going to superglue stuart's hands into socker boppers
Just got offered to exchange moonshine for manscaping services by a gay guy. I'm gonna have the smoothest back in St. Louis county.
Hey. Make all the seamen/semen jokes you want. Not many people can say they fucked 2 different girls in two different countries in one week on a tax free bonus. Next up: Italy.
I'm pretty sure NORMAL roommates don't have to hide each others sex toys from their fuck buddies.
I saw seagulls fucking earlier today. What have you done with your life recently?
My desperation for dick was off put by his anime figure collection.
I just woke up hand cuffed to the bar and shirtless, so yeah I think I need you to come get me.
Did I tell you about the swingers? Because I think they're trying to trap me.
Randomize
