Yeah. I woke up naked in his bed this morning and remember saying "Get a condom cuz I can't afford an abortion right now" last night. He didn't run. He's a keeper
Going back to my hometown to drink absinthe with highschool boys. Remind me to evaluate this decision tomorrow.
and technically it was a rebound
so lol
and then you got rebounded for the same girl he rebounded you for and still never scored ... it was like watching an LA Clippers game
So I was blaaazed. & while he was in me all I kept thinking was how bad I'd rather be watching The Office.
then mid-sex he looked at me and said "i hope this is as good for you as it is for me" and kept going.
After I threw him out he walked down the street peeing in stride. I almost wanted to let him back in.
It's really not cool dreaming about going into labor with your ex boyfriends love child as you're sleeping next to him.
Remember when we partied so hard that dude died and it cockblocked you hooking up with my sister?
I forgot that happened. That's the second dude that died on a vacation I've been on
then looked at this little girl next to me and was like "don't drink when you get older and don't let your best friend be with assholes." she looked at me like i was crazy
Sexting Captain while emailing my eharmony match about my low key weekend is hard.
If I shaved my pubic hair into a heart for valentine's day how much would you judge me?
Running my fingers through my hair was like that scene in Patch Adams where the old lady got to swim in a pool of pasta. I love Molly.
I may quit my job to go be a costumed Jedi at Disneyland.
If I woke up in a pillar of smoke I suppose that's a sign right
Eh, I don't question what my penis likes. It just does what it does.
Randomize
