Just saw a guy from Kansas and a guy from Nebraska arguing over who had less of an accent. God Bless the Midwest.
He took the lighter and said "this is how I give myself a bikini wax."
when i got home i made myself toast with butter & put pasta on it. I know this cause it's all over my bed.
at least i was responsible enough to take off my shoe and throw up in it
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
was it me or did you scream 'champagne motherfucker' when you punched him in the face ??
Have you ever chugged beers in the hospital parking garage with your mom?
I'm like the kid who wants his birthday and christmas equally. Every time I get one I want the other. Only I don't want holidays I want brothers
You know your high, when your chugging applesauce out of the jar with no utensils.
Pretty sure that's a used tampon hanging from the tree outside my window.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm having salsa con queso and a leftover half-drank/flat red bull for breakfast. Nothing you propose doing today would be a downgrade.
Filthy. I need to be power hosed with holy water.
I'm out of prison. Wanna start a band?
oh my god you are days, if not hours away from a dick pic. This is the day the lord has made rejoice and be glad in it
Only you would offer whiskey to a man in liver failure.
We smell like vodka and hangover
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