Did Neil Armstrong say the moon was too far away! NO! He built himself a fucking rocketship is what he did!
nothing cures the holiday blues like an open bar
Also, our mothers are placing bets on which of us will get pregnant first.
Congrats to the girl that left her positive preggo test in the bathroom...
I knew I was in the wrong bar when "I have a daughter your age" was some random's pick up line.
He said to me this morning that we should finish these beers, go and get plan B then on the way back, go to the pub to celebrate the death of our baby. I love Manchester.
The difference between you and me last night was that I didn't remember getting into the cab and you didnt know we were in one.
Poking every semi-decent guy on Facebook in the hopes that one of them will want to hook up with me tonight. So far all i've accomplished is 5 new poke wars which i will most certainly continue after this weekend.
Getting stoned and sitting front row in a legal class.. Not my best idea
Adulthood is making your own puke bucket.
He just said Bill Nye is just a dude. If I ever considered sleeping with him, I never will now.
He also needs to focus on not being such a little bitch, but that's none of my business.
Not only do I have a well-defined bite mark on my arm, but I also have a perfectly clear bruise of a handprint wrapped around my arm like a tribal tattoo. Thoughts on how that happened?
I fucked her on her ex's Yankee sheets while she was wearing an Ortiz jersey...of course she gets to meet my mother
And with the bitter taste of failure in my mouth, i am off to pub to drown it in tequila and 19 year olds, so in the morning i can add pregnancy and stds to my list of problems.
Randomize
