I want to leave work and go home and eat Five Guys and masturbate
So, after having sex with my 4th overweight girl in 2 weeks, I've decided Charlie Sheen syndrome is ruining my life.
I now beleive the Trojan Ecstasy ad "feels like nothing's there". They forgot to add "...cause the condom broke."
im sorry, I just can't fuck a guy who can't receive picture messages
Are they engaged or just dating? Girlfriends come and go but the memory of sex at the pool last forever.
Well girls crying gets you hard so you're not really a good standard to me
I walked in and all four of you were covering your heads under the blanket singing waterslides in unison.
you invented a new sport called "bacon pulling" and you cried everytime a piece broke
It's been this way for a few days. I had chick fil a on Friday so this could be an attack from the Gay Gods as punishment.
I dreamt of sea otters and your boobs. My two favorite things.
I'm calling in my "fuck at anytime anywhere" card. Meet me at my place in 20 min, wear your Waldo costume.
HOLD ONTO YOUR PANTIES AND SAY GOODBYE TO THE REMAINDER OF YOUR INTEGRITY
Hahah. They reconnected again?
Like with his penis I guess
He cried & told me I reminded him off his mother. I don't want to talk about it. I want to drink about it.
Only if I get to be Gritty
How would you be Gritty for a fantasy hockey league?
Don't worry about it.
Randomize
