Highlight of my evening, pile of books falling onto me in front of people
You should really come over right now. There's hot construction workers across the street. I'm gonna go pour beer on myself in a bikini on the sidewalk. See you in 5?
Let's just say a refrigerator got involved and after that I had to send him home.
There is a full size piano in the middle of our road. Please tell me you had nothing to do with this.
I dont know. Theres no way you can be ready for the sex hurricane that will consume you.
Why is it so hot and why are these the only pants in my life.
We need to get stoned and watch Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles 2. This has become a priority. Schedule accordingly.
Dude I'm at a Marijuana dispensary party. They are giving away BAGS of edibles
How do you keep ending up in these situations?
My dad is their accountant
Stealing, and booze. If only you added meaningless sex with random people you would have wrapped all your life passions together
Idk man there's lots of bad dick but even a bad cookie is still pretty good
She caught me by google maps... Lets just say it wasnt her car in front of the house.
somehow I wound up on the floor crying about his beard. then telling everyone I'd give him a "lesbian blowjob".
If you find out what that means, show me.
Judging from the sharpie on my face, glitter on my chest and women's tiger print panties i'm wearing last night was a thing.
is caitlin alive?
ya she's alive she's watching a movie
ok remind her she drank toilet water then.
I once went to target high on hydrocodone. I assure you, they can handle unrespectable.
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