you threw up in someones recycling bin and left a note apologizing. how drunk do you think you were?!
I left a cheeto on everyone's car trailing to the house i'm at, hanzel and gretel style.
I'm walking down the street with a Starbucks in one hand and a flask in the other. People seem to have a staring problem
Okay Im going to go have some sex apparently. I hope this chick is prepared the zero effort Im going to put into it.
she just punched a dude and called him a peasant for not drinking fast enough in flip cup.
Wedding cake is always the best dance partner. In the corner. With a jack and coke. And while I'm crying. Listening to "Almost Paradise".
Convinced the domino's pizza delivery person to go to shaws and buy me a bottle of wild turkey. For america.
I think I'm dead. Why did I think it was a good idea to hang from the banister while someone poured liquor into my mouth?
That was like me applying to a law school drunk at 5 am
Hahaha. That's funny.
But I got an 18k dollar per year scholarship
My neck kind of hurts. I think from sleeping on the concrete.
I can not say for certain that I did not blow someone in the bathroom at the bar at some point.
We need a full length mirror. I just ate it trying to look at my shoes on the toilet. But aside from a arm bruise I'm good to go
The beer shits the day after completing the World Beer Tour at Epcot are just as epic as the tour itself.
When I woke up next to him on the living room floor, my glasses were broken and it felt like someone rubbed a cactus all over my vag
I climbed to the top of a stripper pole and touched the ceiling. Accomplishment?
Randomize
