got weed?
I'm really tired of you accidentally texting me when your doing illegal things. I'm taking away your phone.
sorry mom...
She wouldn't stop telling me the story of the penis and how she got laid.
My poor mother should have just stuffed me back up her vagina when she had the chance.
Thanks for the menagerie of condoms on my desk
It's the use of SAT words like that which make me want to use them on you
The stripper on stage Is eating a mozzarella stick while on the pole....that's a new level of I don't give a fuck
If I die I am blaming you for not answering to tell me the proper dosage of horse tranquilizers to take
We made a trail of cheez balls so we knew how to get back to te apartment.
His tongue was like Jesus himself was blessing my boobs for eternal ecstasy.
I'm not so sure Jesus approves of such activities, but ok.
The cop told you to put your hands behind your back and you slurred "I'm not falling for that again"
Watching my ex make out with another girl is weird.
But she's wearing a jumpsuit so I feel better.
She unfriended me on Facebook after I responded to her long love note with #demtittesdoe. Jager is the goddamned devil.
She asked me to come on her OkCupid date with her
Just because your gf gives mediocre bjs doesn't mean I can fill that void
So high I legit spent 20mins in the shower just holding my tits cuz they feel bigger than normal.
Is constant horniness a medical condition? Because a husband, a boyfriend and an office side piece should be enough penis for one girl - but they’re not :-(
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