im stripping for him via video chat, but the sound is turned off cause his students are taking a test
You told the cops that they couldn't arrest you because they weren't hot enough to fuck
Everything about him screamed your future.
We FINALLY fucked. I swear that's the longest I've ever held out for
Umm you met him three days ago....
I said what I said
literally. a puddle of blood. on the floor. still searching for the source
how the fuck is Katelyn 5'1" and 85 lbs and she tackled a bouncer to the ground?
You look cute and you are awesome. And that means something coming from a judgmental bitch
You said you wanted to wrap his dick in a tortilla and make a spicy burrito. Let me just say, most girls don't have this hard of a time getting laid.
God I miss you. I want to fuck your face... Then do all the girly cuddly shit too.
The next time you fuck up, your grandma sees your dick pics
I am about five seconds from ripping off my clothes and throwing myself into the ocean to become a mermaid
hooked up with someone last night while wearing walrus pajama pants. clearly I'm accomplishing big things in life
It's sad that I'm more proud of my Twitter account then my resume
I woke up this morning and had to retrieve my clothes from the flagpole, they were using my boxers as a makeshift rally flag for drinking. Yeah last night was a success.
i was so proud for not passing out at the same time as usual. i screamed that i had a "new personal best!" then some jackass explained daylight savings.
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