Sometimes, when I pour the powdered creamer in my coffee I like to pretend it's Colombian grade cocaine.
That's the kind of morning coffee a girl could welcome the day with.
Is it proper Ass-Fingering-Etiquette to tell her u felt her poop or just pretend it didn't happen?
we talked about european history as he fucked me from behind in the shower... i think it was a success
Just met someone from Jersey. No fist pumps or jagerbombs. Kind of disappointed...
I just had to take a drug test for my new job. I should have asked them if they could tell me if I were pregnant or not while they were at it and save me the guesswork.
He didnt have condoms & didnt trust himself to pull out. Thats when I knew he was a keeper. So I blew him so he knew I was a keeper too.
True romance of the 21st century.
i wanna give whoever invented massage chairs a blow job.
i'm reaslly not drunk enough to wtch the fat lesbian on my floor brng another fat lesbian dressed up as a bloody nurse into her room at 2am
Is asking my 8-year-old brother if he will make us shot glasses in his ceramics class too far?
She made a roadhead CD. Can I marry her?
And I think short bridesmaids dresses are the best idea especially for bathroom sex
Your boyfriend and I are bonding over your giant dick.
I swear I can't go out anymore. It's like he put a GPS in my dick. I don't know if I should feel awkward or proud...
Just smoked the bong while taking a dump. I love living by myself.
I'm in the woods tripping balls the water is rising why don't you answer me
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