I puked a lego.
don't ever try to run hungover. just puked mid-run in front of an old couple that were going for a walk. they were horrified.
I tried to tell her I've only slept with 3 other people...she then named off 5 of her sorority sisters I fucked and asked me if she should continue
They tried to convince me I broke Alex's nose. Also they stranded me on the roof.
That's what they get for locking a drunk laxer in Mitch's car.
My Saturday dick is so much more impressive than my Tuesday dick.
I just tried on my "outfit" for tonight and I should just wear sweatpants and a sign on my face that says I like it in the ass. That would be more comfortable
i came home to her naked eating chilli on the living room floor. Stop giving her jager.
I feel like i just got chewed up and shit out by a ukranian midget
Got home to the hotel 3hrs ago per texts sent not in english to not a full phone number
I realize designer coke was a douchey thing to say but the point of the story is I did bath salts
As planned I took it to the limit. Then we met a new limit. Now they are limit friends.
It's important to establish I slept with her BEFORE we officially became cousins-in-law.
I'm slacking. We've been hooking up for months and I have yet to bang him while he's wearing the clown mask.
You're the only person I know who would go to New Jersey to give a blowjob and I have so much respect for you for it
You're going to replace me with a robot made of heating blankets and a vibrator?
Randomize
