yeah worst sex in my life. plus i think her little brother was in the room.
What I'm saying is Afghanistan is America's sexually contracted disease.
I hate myself for knowing the words to party in the USA.
like semen in my mouth is absolutely disgusting but i'd still like to experience it
Would it be inappropriate to do lines in front of the cable guy?
We had break up sex twice. He said one was cause he had to say goodbye to both tits.
Our drug dealer just got busted, wear black tmrw
Just rescued a super cute pair of Gucci heels off the sorority lawn on my way to work. Things are worth two paychecks. Fuck trust fund kids.
Men are not even allowed to look at you without a condom on.
I just dropped a paperclip into my cleavage while talking to the company president... That's an awkward moment.
Did you at least offer to let him get it out??
He sat on me and said I owed him $10, when I asked why he just said "lap dance"
You cant use biscuit as a chaser
I just dropped a chicken nugget on the floor and seriously prayed that it would be ok....I think this job is making me crazy.
Through a complicated series of events, I wound up in the desert with a blue chick from comic-con. we lost peter. if you're alive, please come get us.
On a scale of 1 to hungover I’m definitely throwing up at the office today.
Randomize
