im orety awesome arent i? relly i know i am
the last 2 times weve had drunk sex ive had to get the morning after pill.. he's turning into a real expensive fuck buddy.
When he goes down on me, he stares me in the eyes like a shark mocking it's prey as it devours it. Plus, his beard smells like dirty gym socks. This has got to end.
We're stoned and watching little Einstein videos. Come. Over. Now.
And for those of you keeping score at home this is the 7th time I've found Casey passed out head first in a bowl of chips at a party I didn't even know she was at
New found love of volunteering, when there's free wine available at all times. Good times. And I get to to feel good about helping people.
It was going alright when lo and behold Tom the cock blocking tornado hits. He is the only man I know who doesn't want anyone to fuck girls.
I was woke up by the fucking Star Spangled Banner this morning. I sat up in bed and put my hand over my naked heart. I was so confused
Never let him bartend when he's tripping. He sprinkled a ton of mexican shredded cheese over a jack and coke and called in a Monterey Jack Daniels.
Dude, we tried to feed you but you just started sobbing and ran away
I unknowingly motorboated my boyfriend's ex-gf last night. Yay me!
He found out about your side hoe and still helped you try to find a lizard that got in the house
We were like one big happy Eskimo family.
...its technically supposed to be for the bridal shower but I think I can find an ensemble that says "im hopped up on x. Stick your tongue down my throat." As well as " im supporting your marriage to my brother"
You use your abs way more than I realized. Btw multiple orgasms is the best thing I've ever discovered.
Randomize
