I just cleaned your Jaeger vomit off my car with a knife. Don't ever say I don't love you.
i was so worried that when his hands were down my pants he was going to find the weed i stole from him
I don't have any food so I made a martini so I could eat the olives. Don't tell me I can't think outside the box.
Still burping lighter fluid. Totally awful.
We are cuddling. She is so cute when she is too high to be a loud bitch.
It was the textbook our-balls-touched-while-engaged-in-a-threesome-with-our-bosses-wife conversation.
It amazes and alarms me I'm not shocked to read that.
Some kid just stopped wherever he was walking, turned to me, and gave me a slow clap. So I'm pretty sure my walk of shame beats yours.
Side note. I love it when I think I've sobered up and then I get a second wind of drunk
Also this is super embarrassing but sorry for licking your chest
I went to the bar without a bra on pretty sure you can go to Taco Bell drive thru with no pants
But lunch with my dad really just means an hour and a half of him telling me how he's disappointed and how he knows I'm on drugs
So basically I really like drugs AND banging cops and it's starting to get complicated
I got my period today and I cried tears of joy. And then just cried because my cramps are actually killing me from the inside out.
So today the police came to my dorm to look for weed, i didn't have any in the room, so i let them in. they apologized for any inconvenience and then left after finding nothing. then i realized i was wearing gauges with weed leaves on them lol
It’s only loud for those who wanna get loud. The bowlers are protected.
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