Are we in a gay sports bar?
its been so long since i'vebeen laid i've forgotten what a penis looks like. When a guy makes me hot i picture him finishing the job by whipping a multi-setting showerhead out of his pants.
I opened up her dishwasher and all I found was a spoon, a juice glass and all her sex toys.
I didnt shave my beard last night, so I could feel it while Im shrooming today
The fish's death was accidental. We all said a few words at his funeral. Roomie wanted to play only the good die young as he swirled down the toilet bowl
I actually enjoy jerking off to her facebook more than I enjoy actually fucking her. Just something with our generation
The guy in the American Flag bikini was telling the women he was disgusted at the amount of alcohol they weren't drinking. Then it got ridiculous.
Decided to go explore a half built apartment complex at 4 a.m and leave a 3 block obstacle course in the alley ways on the way home.
Just watched my roommate stuff a sandwich in his pocket because we're out of paper plates.
I had to convince someone last night that the fact that he couldn't get me off wasn't him it was me and to clarify I had to tell him there was only. One person that got me off every time without fail, he said "that guy is my hero" you should be proud
how do you expect me to pass the time when I'm too old to be jailbait but too young to legally drink
Me hangover (as projected). That sounds like a plan. Ill do it for Mexico
my life is turning into trapped in the closet at way too fast a speed for me to feel comfortable.
There is a pool of ranch salad dressing in my purse...I know thats always been something you've wanted to try..so don't even act like you didn't do this.
1. Everyone on the 1st and 3rd floor heard you. 2. The 3rd floor vibrates when we have sex. 3. The 1st floor can hear the bed squeak.
Randomize
