if all i could do was poop and smoke weed, i'd be eternally happy
amen to that sister
i hope chris hansen doesn't have a boat
It's been over a month and I still can't find the bra I wore out on new years eve.
He called me from prison intake to wish me luck on my job interview. Somehow that's the most romantic thing that's ever happened to me.
Not even drunk me wanted to have sex with him. I kept intentionally hitting my head on the table behind me during sex till he said i was too drunk for sex.
the realtor just asked me if i've ever made meth on this property.... i need to do something about my hair
The one wearing a viking helmet and holding a bottle of Smirnoff. She's laying on the floor of the tube singing "cant find my way home" . You can't miss her..
I think he's having people over to watch him get way too drunk again
Someday, but I will be heavily drugged and there will be no dolphins.
I owe a guy a shoe because I threw it over a fence. That is all.
Why do I even exist?
I had to rename my dildo. I met a little kid who named his teddy bear the same name. It just felt wrong.
Dude, I woke up with wet dollar bills in my boxers where did you take me???
I will teach you the ways of the ho life, my little gay grasshopper.
She made me pour olive oil on her.
Hey do you or anyone you know want to get drunk for free? At 4pm tonight at rctc for field sobriety training for future cops
Randomize
