we were having sex in the shower and he dropped me. try explaining THAT to your concerned little brother
Deadliest Catch is NOT foreplay
I feel like I am becoming dumber sitting here in class than I would be sitting on the couch smoking weed.
just because she threw up on my junk doesnt mean i dont like asians anymore
This vodka tastes like I'm not going to class tomorrow.
Are you really surprised she can't remember? That's like 50 people. I couldn't rattle off all 50 state capitols off the top of my head, you're bound to forget a few here and there
I was stopped at a light on my way home and a priest threw holy water on my car. Seems fitting after last night.
Can we go one day without you telling me that your dick misses me
He ate a Doritos taco from my boobs. Does your boyfriend do that?
Please send pictures of any nice new years ladies you run across in town, as I've forgotten what women look like.
Do you find Darth Vader masks attractive?
He has great stamina, he knows how to use his tongue, and he's hung like a goddamn Pegasus. I can overlook the man bun.
So unmotivated today.
Who am I kidding. So unmotivated this decade.
I don't know what she did to me last night, but the scratches on my back indicate that I had sex with a Bengal tiger last night.
Also you think METH is on the same level of wanting to see the movie cats? We’re gonna unpack that later
Randomize
