Remeber, hes got nothing better to offer you than drunk words and hairy balls.
I hope i woe up in your car, or else i stole someone elses and slept in the back seat
Just remembered throwing your phone at your face in a half-drunk stupor the other morning when your alarm went off. Thought I should apologize.
just dropped my bong into 7 pieces, and carried the glass shards around my house. dad saw the blood dripping down my arms, and asked if i slit my wrists. way too high to laugh at this.
I already wrote the apology to my liver. He knows whats up
We were fucking on his hammock and right as he came we flipped over. I landed on him, he landed on a pile of pinecones. We're done with nature sex.
I'm at this kids house trying to figure out if I pissed in his kitchen new years eve. Lmao, stop letting me drink.
I wonder when walk of shame thursdays in the rain will finally make me stop drinking.
Yeah, you went up to him and said "I stare at people until they feel obligated to talk to me."
She swallowed the key to the cuffs, I've been having to explain the pink fuzz all morning.
The angle I tried to shoot a load on her face was unfortunate. I accidentally came on the David Bowie tribute she had out. Oddly, that made it more erotic.
His eyefucking isn't even normal eyefucking; it's eye anal.
I slapped a guy during sex last night because he moaned the wrong name. Then I remembered I gave him a fake name. Sorry bro.
I mean you're asking high Chelsea. I'd sell myself for a rice crispy
i think i puked but i couldve been a dream and i may have madeout with a 20 something guy infront of my managers...also possible dream.
Randomize
