Should I ask him to prom mid fuck? That way he has to say yes.
im pretty sure i just dented her unborn child.
Apparently I'm the guy that didn't get the memo that Afliction and wifebeaters were the proper attire for tonight... so I'll just sit here alone in my sweatervest and be judged.
Dont judge me. He may have been ugly but he was INCREDIBLE. He's like the Susan Boyle of sex.
You kept trying to hail an ambulance
Once two people had broken bones it had become a bulk hospital trip so we took the party bus
That's exactly how my pussy feels when I shave it. Like a cross between a naked mole rat and a newborn child. Embrace it.
Actually, what with the curvature of the Earth, it's faster to leave from Washington. And Google maps recommends kayaking instead of swimming.
I've slipped into the part of my life where I am not having sex to get Phils tickets from this chick. I need to seriously rethink my life decisions
I just learned my tits were fire resistant. I should join the freakin circus
I disagree, if your last name is Weiner then the sending of dick pics should be mandatory. I'd give him a pass.
You called me your momma bear, and then demanded more vodka
I'm jealous, curious, and aroused. All at the same time.
My job here is done.
TELL HER ABOUT THE GODDAMNED MOTHERFUCKING POTATOES
How naked do you want me to be?
Randomize
