I'm at the bar with Ashley what should I do?
humiliate her
I never thought that I'd ever use the phrase "and the resulting ice cream explosion" seriously at work...
How do i write this on his wall without making it sound like he gave me an std?
she's in the bathroom. spitting in the trashcan. not throwing up. just spitting and singing bad romance by lady gaga.
thatta girl
You know those ponds where you go and pay $5 and your guarranteed to catch a fish thats how i describe her
I cooked you Mac and cheese when I was drunk and drugged. That counts for about 4 meals. Try harder
Her Grandmother felt me up AND paid for dinner. If she doesn't get her shit together I'm gonna be her Step Grandfather.
All of her cloths were on our coffee table this morning. The only things she left with last night were her shoes and Scott
As I was about to go to sleep he asked me if I was ready to 69. HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK AT HIM IN THE FACE OVER DINNER TOMORROW
Did you hear about Miss Teen Delaware? From the snippet they played on the radio, I knew exactly what porn company it was from. Maybe I should cut back
At least I'm fat on the outside. You can NEVER change being fat on the inside.
I'm glad our friendship can withstand laughing mid-blowjob during the diarrhea scene in Dumb & Dumber.
Sam was like the mother fucking Moses of drunk and underage kids and he lead them to safety away from the cops. He's a hero that we deserve.
she went outside...danced, got some snow, and put cherry vodka in it. she was so proud of herself.
You spent twenty minutes waxing poetic about her ass and her thighs
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