dude, you're being a jerk.
sorry, didn't mean to pull a Cheney
I found my laptop, credit card, and a bottle of Morgan all on the counter this morning. I'm scared to see what gets delivered to my house this week.
A guy at the bar bought me a jag bomb because I'm the chick that frosts his donuts at KT. Never have I been more proud of being a failure at life.
my dad just walked in on my jacking off and all he had to say was "I thought you were bigger than that".... thanks dad.
You brought out the iron board layed it on the ground in the middle of everyone and passed out for the night
I feel like I'm a marionette being lifted around. Four Loko.
Since your rent is paid til the first, we decided to use your apartment as the beer pong room. We apologize in advance for losing your security deposit.
Idk if I woke up next to a cat or raccoon. either way it's purring.
Yeah, you gave me a condom that I 100% coulda used, then an hour later you basically beat the shit out of me and physically took it from my pocket.
Can I trade you chipotle for a pregnancy test?
YOU TOOK A FUCKING SNAP OF ME TRYING TO PEE! I'M GOING TO FUCK YOU WITH THE BUSINESS END OF A RUTED RAKE!
Enjoy the penises
I feel like I could have been bitchier and missed an opportunity.
I smell like cotton candy and guilt.
Listen gotta draw the line somewhere. Apparently that line is at my nuts.
Randomize
