I wish we could go back in time and find our best farts ever
So you coming over for some grilled cheese and head?
i just remembered i chipped my tooth last night when i pulled up your pants zipper with my teeth
oh and i'm sorry i sold you for three cigarettes last night
I have been sober for so long that I miss hangovers... what is happening to this summer?
I'm hoping that banging a 24 year old 3 times cancels out banging that freshman on Wednesday
Just bought a 17 year old 40's while wearing a poncho. This behavior is acceptable until I'm 25.
If I die, I leave all my liquor in my apartment to you. Be a drunk bitch at my funeral. I wouldn't want it any other way.
We tried to break her futon, I crushed my balls instead. You have one less reason to be jealous that my balls are insanely huge and yours are not.
Hey in a lighter note I also nutted in that cheerleader too if she got prego there would have been a team reunion on Maury
I say that because you at one point were like a mama spider covered with baby spiders only you were a man covered with strippers.
I don't go out. I live in my room watching Bridget Jones and thanking my vibrator for existing.
How do you clean human pee out of a carpet
Inconspicuously
at this point, i'm only going to therapy to get more free condoms
I brought my porn computer to class by accident
How much porn do you watch if you need a special computer?
Randomize
